Charisma on command book pdf free download

ON
COMMAND
Inspire, Impress, and Energize Everyone You Meet
Table of Contents

Introduction
Chapter 1: My Story
Chapter 2: Charisma Magic - Why People Think Charisma is Innate
Chapter 3: Elements of Charisma
Chapter 4: Charismatic Convictions
Chapter 5: Energy
Chapter 6: Turning It On At A Moments Notice
Chapter 7: Presentation and Spotlight
Chapter 8: Faces
Chapter 9: Body
Chapter 10: Voice
Chapter 11: Storytelling
Chapter 11: Conclusion
Chapter 12: Action Plan
Day 1: Foundations
Day 2: Fixing non-charismatic habits (Eyes)
Day 3: Smiling
Day 5: Storytelling
Day 6: Voice
Day 7: Incantations
Day 8: Dress
Day 9: Gesticulations expansiveness and openness
Day 10: Messing around
Day 11: More eye contact
Day 12: Touching
Day 13: Positivity
Day 14: Revisiting charismatic mindsets
Day 15: Take stock of honesty and trust
Day 16: Genuine compliments
Day 17: No filler words
Day 18: Get loud
Day 19: What are you stressed about?
Day 20: Vocal range
Day 21: Messing around (again!)
Day 22: Shining on others
Day 23: Posture
Day 24: Killer eye contact
Day 25: Gesticulations, posture, and touching

Day 26: Slow your speaking

Day 27: Energy and incantations
Day 29 Having fun, messing around
Day 30 Assessment

Throughout the book I reference videos to help you master charismatic techniques that are difficult to
convey in text, including energy, genuine smiling, etc. If you would like all of these videos
automatically sent to you, just go to this link:
http://www.charismaoncommand.com/videos

Introduction
Spring break. Senior year of college. The stuff of legends. Two young men just traveled 10 hours to
their destination.
Cambridge, Massachusetts.
They settled into the meeting room at the Harvard Computer Society. At around the same time, their
classmates were settling into their fifth body shot in Cabo, Cancun, or Acapulco.
Paul Graham stepped out. He delivered his speech. This was the reason the two young men had
driven all the way from Charlottesville, Virginia: How to Start a Startup.
Both Steve and Alexis were inspired by the speech. At the end, Steve went to get Paul Grahams
autograph. Alexis then bounded up to Paul Graham with a grin on his face. When it came his turn for
an autograph, he said, Itd totally be worth the cost of a drink to get your opinion of our startup.
Paul laughed and said sure.1
The young men and Paul hit it off over drinks. Alexis and Steve had no experience with startups other
than their imaginings, but Paul Graham liked them. He invited them to apply for the first class of a
seed accelerator he was starting. The accelerator was named after a program that runs programs. It
would be a business that started businesses. The name was Y Combinator.
So Alexis and Steve spent the end of their senior year perfecting their business plan. It was an
infrastructure that would allow people to order food from their cell phones. They applied to Y
Combinator. When they interviewed in Cambridge a month later, they felt good. Paul had loved their
idea.
Paul called them the same night of their interview. They were denied.
So they got drunk.
The next day Alexis and Steve sat on a train back from Cambridge to Charlottesville, Virginia.
Hungover as hell and bristling from the denial. They muttered to one another how theyd show Paul
and everyone at Y Combinator. Then Alexis phone rang:
Alexis, its Paul. Listen, we like you guys. We want you to come back. But under one condition.
You have to come up with a different idea.
Thats great! Alexis replied. How about this: Why dont you buy us plane tickets back to
Charlottesville for tonight and well hop another train back to brainstorm ideas with you for an
hour?

Done.
Paul Graham did not call every rejected group. He did not invite every group to join with a different
idea. And he certainly did not pay out of pocket for plane tickets to spend an hour brainstorming with
every other group.
He did that with one group. Because he believed in them. Despite the fact that Alexis couldnt write
a lick of code and neither had ever had a successful entrepreneurial venture.
So with no business idea, Alexis Ohanian and Steve Huffman were accepted into Y Combinator. All
based on the fact the Paul Graham liked them and believed in them. A year later, their idea was a
reality. They had created the front page of the internet. Reddit was born and Alexis and Steve
became 23-year-old multimillionaires.
Alexis and Steve worked their tails off for years to make reddit into the behemoth it is today. But the
most fragile turning point was that single moment at the podium, when Alexis invited Paul out for a
drink. Then again when the guys spoke to Paul at the coffee shop. Whatever it was that won Paul
over changed Alexis and Steves lives, not to mention the landscape of the Internet.
What was it about Alexis that made Paul decide to sit down and speak with them in a room full of
kids who would have jumped at the same opportunity? What was it that made him trust them enough
to call them back even when he determined their business idea wasnt viable? Why did he buy their
plane tickets back to Charlottesville?
The answer is simple. Paul liked them. That counts for more than all the qualifications in the world.
Case in point, a few years ago I was visiting the same school Alexis and Steve attended. The
University of Virginia. I was with my friend as he toured the campus. He had applied for law school
there. He was just walking around on his own when he saw a girl in the library. He struck up a
conversation. Turned out she was a tour guide. She gave him an impromptu tour. At the end she took
him to meet the Dean of Admissions.
My friend talked to the Dean about wiffle ball and the Philadelphia Eagles and his time at the
prosecutors office. After 20 minutes the Dean pulled out my friends file.
HmmmmI remember your application. Looks like you were right in the middle of the pack. We
have you on wait list...lets take care of that right now.
He went into the computer. Hammered out a few keystrokes, and boom, my friend was accepted.
With a $20,000/year scholarship to boot. Thats $60,000 over 3 years, earned in 20 minutes of
conversation. At a school that may not have even accepted him.
Same question: what the heck happened!? How did my friend, who on paper, did not pass muster get
accepted AND a earn a scholarship? What made the dean like him so quickly?

Think of your own life. You can probably recall that one woman in the office, who despite being an
average performer was well liked and rose through the ranks with a jetpack. Or the guy who walks
into a social setting and has that magnetic pull. Who draws people to him without even seeming to try.
And Im sure you can think of times when you were just on. When everything you said commanded
attention. When you were funny and witty and smart and whoever you were speaking with made sure
to stay in touch.
That instant likability is a superpower. Some of the most famous people in the world made their
careers off it.
What is going on? What makes Bill Clinton so engaging? Robert Downey Junior so cool? What is it
that made producers believe in Will Smith enough to give him a shot at a TV show and eventually a
movie?
Its the same thing that makes you engaging during those times when youre on. The same thing
youre missing when holding someones attention feels like a chore. This indescribable quality that
distinguishes someone who is loved from someone who just doesnt have it.
Charisma.
It is the quality that makes us like someone. That makes us want them to like us back. It makes us
want to follow them. To trust them implicitly. It is that feeling when someone walks into a room and
you cant take your eyes off them. It is the X-factor. And it was something I never, ever had.

Chapter 1: My Story

Ive been interested in charisma since before I called it charisma. Back in high school, I would have
just said cool or charming. I could have told you that I was definitely neither of those things.
I had a close group of friends but I struggled to make conversation with anyone outside of that group.
I graduated without ever dating a girl. On my way out I won the dubious senior superlative, Most
Likely To Break Out Of His Shell In College.
Except I didnt break out of that shell. I lived out the same patterns in college. While my classmates
were out making friends at parties, I stayed in and played FIFA with two guys on my hall. We talked
comic books. I still think those things are awesome. But Id be lying if I said that was all I wanted.
I wanted to be the guy who was slapping hands with people as he crossed the quad. I wanted to be
invited to parties and have people be disappointed when I couldnt come. I wanted to be the man
who lit up a room.
Most of all, I wanted the girl.
There was this one that I had a massive crush on. Jane was her name. A friend had introduced me to
her. And thanks to whatever magic my friend had worked, Jane liked me before she even met me.
Then she met me. We hung out a few times. I started to fall for her hard. I was thinking about her all
the time. I couldnt wait until the next time Id get to see her and was always trying to make plans
with her.
We had this big dance coming up. It was the one formal event the university hosted every year. I
was, of course, planning on inviting Jane. I told my friend who had introduced me about what I was
planning. This was her response:
Jane says she doesnt want to hang out with you anymore.
Yes, I took someone who liked me and after spending just a bit of time with them, made them run
away. I felt like hell.
So when the option came to study abroad I jumped at it. I didnt have much I was leaving behind
socially. At least I could start fresh.
I picked Costa Rica because it was far outside of my comfort zone. I didnt speak Spanish. As far as
I knew, Id be the only American from my school there. Good. Thats exactly what I wanted.
I was determined to do things differently. I dedicated myself to stepping out of my shell. To get more
comfortable meeting strangers, Id ask for directions all the time.
Even when I knew where I was going. In broken Spanish. Then Id try to turn that question into a 5 or
10-minute conversation.

At lunch, Id purposely sit with people I didnt know. Id play the confused American and make small
talk. Instead of drinking my face off at bars, Id stand there and feel really nervous. Then, eventually,
Id suck it up and strike up conversation with strangers.
Before long, Id made several friends just from walking up to people and talking. I became well
known on the college campus. I was the guy slapping high fives with people as I walked to class.
One friend even commented that I was the most confident, outgoing person shed ever met. I must
have been born like that, she thought (ha!)
And then I came back. Back to the States. Back to my school. Back to my tight knit social circle and
the memories of being rejected.
Except I had changed. One of my first nights back, I went out to a bar. I was catching up with some
acquaintances, telling stories from Costa Rica. People started gathering around me. They were
laughing. People that Id hardly spoken to before were asking questions. They told me I had to come
back next week.
I felt like king of the world.
Then someone tapped me on the shoulder. It was my friend who had introduced me to Jane.
Hey I know this is random, but I figured youd want to know. Jane just came up to me and said Is
that Charlie? He looks great!
I hadnt gained or lost a pound since I left. If anything, I was a little bit softer from months of eating
rice and beans three times a day.
But Jane thought I looked great. Which meant one thing
It was working!
Without even speaking to her, Id changed her opinion of me. Jane saw the way I was carrying myself
and formed a totally different opinion of me. For the first time in my life I knew what it felt like to
exude charisma.
I never did go speak to Jane again. I admit I was still stung by the initial snub. I was just too worried
about her rejecting me again.
But I was hooked on developing my charisma. So I poured myself into it.
I enlisted the help of my best friend, Ben. Almost every day, Id call him up and wed talk about the
interactions wed had that day, what wed learned, and how we could do better. We started to piece
together the art of human interaction in a way no one had ever taught us before.
Ben was nowhere nearly as shy as I was. But he had charisma issues of his own.

Six months prior, Ben was working at an investment bank as an intern. It was basically understood
that theyd hire their interns. Unfortunately, he didnt make the right relationships. He got no offer.
He was supposed to kick back and relax senior year and instead he found himself scrambling to lock
down a job.
That was when we started working on our charisma. From that point on, he went 4 for 4 on offers
from interviews hed taken. He chose a position at a prestigious investment bank. They loved him.
When he moved on two years later, his exit reviewers told him he was culturally accretive.
Banker-speak for We like you.
I went to work at a consulting firm. Despite rookie errors, shoddy dress, and an unwillingness to cut
my faux-hawk, I had good relationships with management and my peers.
Other analysts would talk to their bosses about work. Id gotten friendly enough to talk to them the
crazy things Id done the weekend before. They were good humans as well as businessmen and
because I connected with them on that level, I got top bucket bonuses.
And then when everyone else was getting promoted, I did something insane. I walked into the
Presidents office. I sat down. And over the course of a half hour, we had a candid conversation
about how I was planning to move to NYC in 2 months. How I really appreciated everything he and
the company had done for me. I understood if he wanted to let me go right then and there.
Instead, I walked out of his office with remote work arrangement and a raise. At age 24, I basically
doubled my salary and had complete freedom to live and work where I wanted.
I was not the best analyst. Ben neither.
We had just applied what we learned about charisma. We learned how to connect with people on a
real level. Past the detached corporate BS, past the status games people play in bars and networking
events. Our lives transformed in every aspect.
Two years later, Ben and I have left our corporate gigs on friendly terms. We live in Rio de Janeiro
with 4 friends. These are guys we met while teaching charisma. Guys who were inspired enough by
what we were doing to leave behind dream jobs, universities, and their entire lives to come on this
adventure with us.
These guys didnt come with us because we are especially qualified South American guides. None of
them were even very interested in moving to Rio. They came with Ben and I because they were drawn
by our charisma. And they wanted to develop it for themselves.
Learning charisma changed my life. I know of no more important skill for feeling happy and fulfilled.
Unfortunately, most people will tell you it cant be learned. Charisma is like genius. Youre born
with it or youre not. There is nothing you can do to change that.

So we have this amazing, mystical quality. A quality that propels companies to success, makes
people filthy rich, and leads to high levels of personal fulfillment for the lucky few among us who
have that natural draw.
Yet we accept that there is nothing we can do to affect it. Its like growing wings. Sure itd be nice,
but its not worth putting in effort to practice developing wings so you can fly around town.
I hope my story illustrates one thing.
Charisma is not like sprouting wings. Charisma is like building muscle.
With the right routine and the right perseverance, it can be developed.
Charisma can be trained. Just like a spike in adrenaline can lead to superhuman feats of strength, the
right neurological mix can activate your charismatic potential.
This book will destroy any passive mindset you have regarding charisma. This book is about how to
take it to the next level. Read it and do the exercises, and youll be the one leapfrogging waitlists,
stumbling on ridiculous moneymaking opportunities, intriguing romantic interests, and inspiring
everyone around you.
You can learn to captivate people like Bill Clinton, Russell Brand, Oprah, Steve Jobs, Jennifer
Lawrence, Will Smithtake your pick.
What they do is tough to notice. What they believe cant even be seen directly.
But if you know what to look for, its unmissable.
Youre going to learn what to look for. Youre going to learn how to internalize charisma so it
becomes a decision for you: Do I want to light up this room? Do I want to make this persons day?
Do I want to make a friend for life?
You will learn to train in charisma, just like you would any other muscle.
You will walk away with a real life superpower.

Chapter 2: Charisma Magic - Why People Think Charisma is

Innate

All humans broadcast their beliefs. Every waking moment we shout to the world what we believe
about it and what we believe about ourselves. We do this with our word choice, body language, eye
contact, tonality, facial motions, gesticulations everything we do screams what we believe and how
we feel.
Im sure youve picked up the phone before and immediately known someone was pissed off on the
other end. Youve seen a friend walk into a room and known that something great just happened
simply by how he carried himself.
Now, these evaluations are not occurring consciously. You didnt watch your friend enter and think:
Hmm. His chin is lifted a bit more than usual and he has a relaxed swing to his arms. I also notice
that hes smirking instead of smiling and holding eye contact for half a second longer than usual. By
golly, he must be in a good mood!
No. That would be a ludicrously complicated thought process. Your brain just takes all those
stimuli, plus many more, and pops an idea into your conscious brain:
John looks like hes in a good mood!
You dont know how you came to that conclusion. And your friend, John, certainly wasnt
consciously thinking about how his arms swung. Everything occurred subconsciously.
Charisma is broadcast in the same way as Johns good mood. Its a myriad of tiny shifts in word
choice, body language, tonality, eye contact, and facial movement. When we see it, were not aware
of all the ingredients. We just feel it.
So even though Bill Clinton, Steve Jobs, Russell Brand, Jennifer Lawrence (take your pick) are all
exhibiting the same behaviors, we cant tell. We just like them. We cant identify the near
imperceptible difference in the eye contact, tonality, body language they all share. And even more
importantly, we certainly cant see the critical thought patterns that underpin their charisma.
We just feel it. And then we assume it is magical.
But like all magic, there is a set of concrete skills underpinning it. And once you learn those skills you
will have those magic powers yourself.
The only difference is that charisma magic is real.
Why is charisma necessary?
From the age of 4 we are fed a lie.
The lie is this: You go to school, you get good grades, you go to college, you get more good grades,
then you get a great job, work hard, move up and you are a Success.

Except not.
We all know that a college degree and good grades no longer guarantee a job. Thats the easy
criticism. The bigger lie is that we will forever be judged on our academic merit. That all we need
to do is fulfill the requirements of the syllabus or the job description. Do that and youll get your A+,
your raise, your corner office, hardwood desk, and beautiful spouse.
Most of us believe that lie at some level. And when the world doesnt work out that way, we feel
cheated. For instance, in college, when the talkative but unoriginal student hauls back great grades on
subpar papers.
Favoritism!
Or when the woman down the hall in your office who isnt as good as you beats you out for a
promotion.
Nepotism!
Or when the guy who isnt as successful or dashing as you winds up marrying your dream girl.
Lucky bastard!
And then even when you have everything you ever want, the promotion, the girl, the status, you still
feel like you havent gotten what you really wanted.
What the heck is happening? Something else is at play. The problem is this:
The syllabus and the job description have made every requirement explicit except one. This secret
requirement exists in every classroom, every workplace, and every singles bar.
Here is that secret requirement:
You need to connect with people. You need people to like you. And you need to like them back. If
you dont, it doesnt matter how many boxes you check. Youre going to come up short in success,
happiness, and fulfillment.
Yes, favoritism and nepotism exist. Yes, some guys get lucky breaks with women.
misanthropes wind up rich beyond belief.

Some

But the point is the same: your relationships with other people are the most important factor in
determining the quality of your life.
This is a scientific fact.
Seriously, there was a 75-year study of 268 men. Scientists tracked their happiness for their entire

lives. At the end, the director of the study summed up everything he had learned about happiness like
this:
The only thing that really matters in life are your relationships to other people.2
It stands to reason then, that the skill that matters the most is your ability to build relationships with
other people. To be the type of person that inspire, energizes, and impresses everyone they meet.
To be charismatic.
Yet we dont teach it. You never learned to really connect with others.
We rectify that now.

Chapter 3: Elements of Charisma

When you read about charismatic people, if youre lucky, youll get a description of their actions.
Clinton looks you in the eye and remembers your name.
Steve Jobs paints a compelling vision of the future.
Robert Downey Junior is playful with a sly smirk.
Jennifer Lawrence is self-effacing and modest.
Those are all important. But the fundamental building blocks of charisma are much simpler. All the
outward manifestations of charisma rise from an internal belief.
So if you want to enhance your charisma, here are the building blocks:
Charisma = Conviction + Energy + Presentation
Well take these in turn
Conviction
Its 1983. Apple Computers is 4 years old. Steve Jobs is a longhaired wunderkind building
revolutionary tech. But he has a problem. He doesnt have the training or the image to sell his new
technology to corporate America.
Enter John Sculley. Sculley is the youngest ever President of Pepsi. He has the training, experience,
and relationships Jobs needs to market Apples products. He is Steve Jobs number one pick to be
Apples CEO.
And he just denied Steves request to come work at Apple.
Steve is dressed in his signature turtleneck and running shoes. He glances at the floor then up at
Sculley, who just rebuffed him. He looks straight into Sculleys eyes and asks:
Do you want to sell sugar water for the rest of your life, or do you want to come with me and change
the world?"3
A few weeks later John Sculley leaves his post at Pepsi and joins Apple as CEO.
What was going on here? Sculley was the darling of the business world and could have had just
about any position he desired. He could have joined companies 100 times the size of Apple for a
much bigger payday. Yet one unsubstantiated sentence turned Sculley. In his own words, I just
gulped. I knew I would wonder for the rest of my life what I had missed.
Steve Jobs did not have any guarantees. Business, like life, is unpredictable. Maybe Apple would

make a dent in the universe, maybe not. The truth is, in 1983, no one knew.
But thats not what Steve said to John. He looked John dead in the eye. And he told him, in no
uncertain terms, that he was going to change the world.
Thats conviction.
*************
I need you to teach me the footwork!
Id been learning salsa for 6 months. I was good, but my friend and teacher was leagues better.
When he was on the dance floor, it just flowed. Regardless of who he was with, they looked as if
theyd been dancing together for their entire lives.
I was another story.
I knew the basic step well enough, but whenever I tried to spin girls, we just wound up banging into
one another. Id mash their toes and theyd have to excuse themselves to sit and recover.
We were in my friends apartment pre-gaming and dancing before hitting the club. I was determined
not to crush any toes tonight. I was watching my friend and teacher, Steven, dance. Measuring every
inch that his feet shifted.
Teach me the footwork for that turn you just did, I told him.
Steven dropped the hands of the girl he was dancing with and walked over to me.
You dont need the footwork! You know the footwork, he said.
Then he pointed at the girl behind him.
She needs to know that you know the footwork.
You have to believe you are the best dancer in the entire world, he continued.
If you believe you are the best, she will too. Shell follow every move perfectly. If you doubt
yourself and wonder if shes a better dancer than you, shell know it. And shell hesitate to follow
you. Youll step all over her.
That night when we went out I pretended I was the best dancer Id ever seen. I pretended I was
Steven.
As soon as the salsa music came on, I walked up to a girl. Instead of asking her if she would like to
dance, I smiled and said Lets dance, in the way Id seen Steven do a hundred times. I led her by

the hand to the spot of the dance floor Id picked out.

My first instinct was to gently rest my hand on her hip. Youre the best dancer in the world I
muttered to myself. I curled my arm tight around her back as Id seen Steven do. This complicated
matters because now we were closer than ever. I couldnt even look down to see my feet.
Youre the best dancer in the world I told myself again. I stepped forward. Somehow she knew to
step back at the same time. On her next back step, I lifted her hand over and across her body. She
spun and slipped right back into step with me.
No words were exchanged. No feet were crushed.
For the next 3 minutes, we danced. At the end of the song, I walked her back to her friends like I had
seen Steven do a hundred times before. Before I could hurry back to celebrate my victory, she told
me Youre one of the best dancers Ive ever danced with.
*************
Conviction is the heart of charisma. It is the belief that things will work out. That somehow,
someway your goals will be achieved. That no matter what, it will all be okay. It is confidence in
the face of the unknown. Certainty in the face of naysayers and haters.
What is miraculous about conviction is that it is highly contagious. If you really believe something,
say, that your company is going to change the world, or that youre an amazing dancer, youll infect
everyone you meet with that same belief.
This is partially due to the words you use. When Steve Jobs spoke to John Sculley, he literally told
him that he was going to change the world. But the full force of conviction is communicated beyond
words. Sculley sensed it in Jobs eye contact, body langua ge, tonality. He sensed it in a thousand
little micro gestures that say, This is the truth. The girl I danced with didnt even need that. She
could feel the conviction across my entire torso.
Sculley knew nothing about computers. The girl I danced with had no idea if Id make a strong lead.
Neither had enough information to measure the objective merit of our arguments.
But both were struck by the force of our conviction. It was practically mind control. Thats
conviction in action.
So how did Steve Jobs pull off such masterful management of every little facial expression, vocal
inflection, and body movement? How did I finally get the footwork right after months of tripping over
myself?
The answer is by not focusing on the microgestures or the footwork. Jobs and I and everyone who
has ever communicated with conviction did it by focusing on one thing:

Our beliefs.
Every interaction boils down to two sets of beliefs banging into one another. The beliefs with greater
conviction win.
For instance, have you ever seen a fight break out? Or even an almost fight?
Right before any fight there is that moment where the would-be tough guys size one another up. They
glare. They shit talk. Touch me and Ill kick your ass, they promise. They do everything in their
power to convince the other guy hes about to make a huge mistake. But in the end, no amount of
swearing can cover for the fact that neither guy really believes his own threats. So both parties size
one another up and come to the conclusion, I can take this punk. A fight ensues.
Do you know who I havent seen get in fights?
My friends who can fight. Because their pre-fight behavior bleeds conviction.
Take my best friend, Ben. Ben has been training MMA for years. When some guy gets in his face,
there is no big show. Ben just tilts his chin down, grounds himself, and shuts up. And then the other
guy starts diffusing the situation.
Few words, if any, need to be exchanged. All it takes is a look. A head tilt. A shift in posture. All
of those announce Bens belief, If you touch me, I will hurt you. People believe his message more
than they believe the guy who blusters about how he will kill anyone who touches him. So Ben gets
in no fights and the big talker gets in lots. All based on the conviction they project.
Now let me pause. This isnt mystical. Steve Jobs, Ben, me, you no one is projecting a literal
aura. We are simply displaying conviction through every physical method possible. Eye contact,
tonality, flinching, muscle tension, breathing and myriads more. They are so minute that we dont
consciously pick up on them as an observer. But our subconscious processes them all and provides
us with a feeling:
Hes lying, or Hes telling the truth.
These microgestures are often called subcommunications. They are transmitted and received
subconsciously. Which is why even though we may lie with our words, we shout the truth with our
bodies. Why, even though Apple had no guarantees, John Sculley believed what Steve believed. And
why no one will follow your lead until you believe yourself worthy of leading (footwork be damned!)
*************
Have you ever started speaking in a group of people and then trailed off as you sensed no one was
listening?
Have you ever said, Hi, to someone you liked at a bar and then walked off as soon as they didnt

appear interested in speaking with you?

Have you ever misrepresented your religious or political beliefs because you were worried how
theyd be received?
Have you ever wanted to raise an idea or concern at work, but kept quiet, convincing yourself it
wasnt worth sharing anyway?
What every one of these situations has in common is that they represent a lack of conviction. A lack
of conviction that you ought to be heard. That your ideas have value. That you would be okay if you
tried and failed. That you could disagree with someone and still maintain a relationship.
What inevitably happens in those situations? Other people dont hear you. They dont think your
ideas have value. They judge you.
Basically, your own beliefs have leaked into theirs. You broadcasted your belief that you shouldnt
be taken seriously. Everyone else just took you at your word.
Consider the reverse. The times when you have broadcasted steadfast conviction. When you spoke
like you expected people to listen. When you stood by your ideas. When your eyes and tone told
everyone they ought to pay attention.
Your jokes were funnier. Your ideas suddenly had merit. Your beliefs were different from theirs,
but acceptable.
Your subcommunications told everyone how to treat you. They do so all the time. Which is why
conviction is so crucial not only to charisma, but to life. You are sending a non-stop broadcast out
that says, Treat me like Im awesome. Or youre sending one that says, Treat me like wallpaper.
Either way, people do as you say.
You know old Henry Ford quote? The man who thinks he can and the man who thinks he can't are
both right. Its like that
The man who thinks he should be heard and the man who thinks he shouldnt are both right.
The man who thinks his jokes are funny and the man who thinks his jokes arent are both right
The man who thinks he ought to be hired and the man who thinks he shouldnt be are both right.
The man who thinks his client will probably buy and the man who thinks he wont are both right
The man who thinks hes a catch and the man who thinks he isnt are both right.
If you want to be funnier, happier, and more successful, the answer all lies in your
subcommunications. Unfortunately no one except the most highly trained liars can consciously control

their subcommunications to a convincing degree. So there is only one option:

Build conviction in everything you do and people will respect, support, and believe in you.
Conviction is mind control. Conviction is magic.

Chapter 4: Charismatic Convictions

So how do you go from normal levels of conviction to charismatic conviction? How do you go
from self-doubt to complete self-confidence? And how do you do it without acting like a crazy
person? After all Charles Manson, Jim Jones, and every doomsday cult leader had conviction in
spades. How do you have unwavering confidence, like Steve Jobs, yet still stay grounded in reality?
The answer is by developing Charismatic Convictions. Well cover the concrete steps to develop
these beliefs in the Action Guide, but first, I want to explain what these specific beliefs are.
Ive identified 12 Charismatic Convictions. If all you did was internalize them, and then shut this
book forever, your charisma would skyrocket.
Charismatic Conviction 1: Im okay. I will be okay.
Waityoure going where?
Id gotten this question so many times in the last week that I didnt feel like elaborating or explaining.
Brazil.
But dude, you dont have any money.
He was right. I had just a few grand in the bank and a mountain of student loans. I had no job. I had
no chance of getting one in Brazil. I had (at max) a few months before I zeroed my bank account the
way I was currently spending.
I have enough to last a while, I replied. Bemused more by my calm than my answers, the questions
kept coming:
What if you cant find work because of the gap in your resume?
What if you cant find a place to live?
What if you hate it there?
What if you run out of money and this winds up being a huge issue?
I didnt have a perfect answer. I shrugged.
Ill figure it out. Ill be okay. I smiled. A few days later, I got on a plane to face the unknown.
My friend shook his head at my immaturity and went back to the real world.
*************
What if questions control most peoples lives.

What if my boss doesnt like my idea?

What if the joke I want to tell doesnt go over well?
What if I let this person know I like them and they dont reciprocate?
What if I let my friend know theyve upset me and they think Im being silly?
What if quit my job and then cant find more work and everyone thinks Im stupid?
The unspoken answer is that catastrophe would occur. Youd fail. Youd be unloved. Your world
would implode and youd never recover.
Since the stakes are so high, you play it safe. You dont tell the joke, quit your job, or let the other
person know how you feel. Failure equals catastrophe. You never put yourself in a vulnerable
position.
You take no risks. You try not to be seen. You purposely inhibit your ability to stand out. You
rarely, if ever, fail because you rarely, if ever, extend yourself beyond your comfort zone.
Mission accomplished.
Except the mission got confused. The goal is not to avoid failure. The goal is to thrive. The goal is
to connect, to lead, and to love. The issue is that we assumed that the answer to our what if
question was catastrophe and failure. The real answer to lifes what ifs is always this:
It will be okay. Please, please, please, realize this: No matter what happens, you will be okay.
If you crack a terrible joke in front of a crowd, you will be okay.
If you reveal your feelings to someone who doesnt reciprocate, you will be okay.
If you start a business, sink your savings into it, and lose it all you will be okay.
If you get fired and everyone you know thinks you are incompetent, you will be okay.
To be clear, Im not saying that these are wonderful outcomes. Im saying that you will go on
breathing. Im saying that even if you lose your job, you will not starve to death. If you lose all your
money, you will not freeze to death. If you make an ass of yourself, you will not doom yourself to a
loveless existence. You will go through an uncomfortable period. You will manage.
No matter what the outcome, life will go on.
Realizing this gives you license to fail. Which gives you license to try. Which is something most
people never do.

Most people stick with the comfortable option. Whether it is the job, the relationship, or just staying
quiet at a party instead of chatting up a stranger. So when you are trying new things, taking risks, and
succeeding or failing without an existential crisis, people notice. You appear unshakeable. You are
undaunted by the fear of failure that controls their lives.
People flock to this self-assuredness. Its like a magnet. Everyone is just as deathly afraid of failure
as you may sometimes feel. When you give them an example of okayness you open up new
possibilities for them. You lead by example. And far from judging you negatively, they will admire
you for it.
I knew living in Brazil was a dream of mine. Even if it flopped it was a worthwhile pursuit. I had no
guarantees, but I thought about it:
When I am 95, wasting away in bed, looking back at my life, which will I regret more:
That time when I was 24 and I moved to Brazil?
Or living my life at half tilt because I was too afraid to take a chance at the dream?
I told people that a few weeks before I left for Brazil. Id watch their eyes light up. It was like a veil
was lifted. For a second, all their excuses were revealed to be illusory.
In total, ten people actually left their lives behind to move to Rio de Janeiro. Three who were virtual
strangers wound up living with my best friend Ben and I. Now they are some of my closest friends in
the world.
Everything will be okay. Youll regret the chances you didnt take more than the ones you did. When
you realize this, risks become more worthwhile and people flock to your example.
Charismatic Conviction 2: I care more about my character than the opinions of others.
As many people achieve success, they gain notoriety. While they are relatively unknown, they have
much more direct control over what people think about them after all everyone who knows them is a
close friend. But with increased notoriety, complete strangers are now forming opinions of them
Some will be good. Some will be awful.
Some people hate the idea of anyone thinking negatively of them. So they sabotage themselves.
Anything to protect themselves from the poor opinion of strangers.
I experienced this with my blog. The same blog post might get me a batch of emails from readers
saying that it changed their life for the better. But there is always one person who writes that I am a
total piece of shit. That I am not just mistaken, but morally reprehensible.
The only way to avoid that vitriol is to disappear. Everyone who has made a serious positive impact

on the world has had to stand out in some way. And that has inevitably brought haters. Yes, more
people hate Gandhi than hate you. By orders of magnitude.
Now what if Gandhi had cared more about what people thought of him than what he thought about
himself? How would the world be different? You can ask that same question of every intensely
charismatic person. What if Steve Jobs was more concerned with Apple bashers than creating the
products he thought would change the world? What if Ellen DeGeneres was more concerned that
people thought she was going straight to hell for being gay than in pursuing her dreams? What if
Arnold Schwarzenegger was more concerned with people thinking he was vain than in winning Mr.
Universe?
Theyd have shrunk. Both in their public and private lives. The impact they made on the world
would have been destroyed.
The flipside is also true. Living by your standards will earn you haters. But it will also breed
confidence in those who support you. By refusing to conform to social pressure, you will inspire trust
that you are the real deal.
Coach Wooden nailed it: Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your
character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.
Charismatic people are more concerned with their character than their reputation. Since theyre not
always trying to persuade people to believe something about them, they seem more credible.
Focus more on being the person you want to be rather than on being perceived as the person you want
to be. Youll certainly get the first. And with time, youll likely get the latter.
A note from my own life
A few weeks ago I was wandering around the streets of Rio during Carnaval. The entire city was out
drinking and partying.
I struck up a conversation with a group, three girls and a guy. The girls were really interested in
talking to me and the guy sensed that they may have liked me more than him. To regain control he
started insulting my Portuguese:
Dont say it like that. You sound gay. You have to say it like this.
I dont care, I responded.
But if you say it like that you sound gay.
Thats fine. I dont care. People can think whatever they want.
The dynamic completely shifted. He cut the aggressive power play. There was no more talk of me
sounding gay and when we parted ways he gave me a high five and a genuine smile.

Now let me be clear. I dont think being gay is a bad thing. I dont think being mistaken for gay is
insulting. But this guy did. He was trying to control me by threatening my reputation: Keep doing
that, and people will think youre gay!
I dont care. What a bunch of strangers think about me is none of my business. They can think Im
gay, straight, bi, transgendered, whatever. I happen to be straight and Im happy to tell them the truth
if they care to ask. But Im not going to live my life in such a way that I go around concerned with
what strangers think about my sexuality. When my words and subcommunications made this clear, the
guy came around. He knew he couldnt control me by threatening my reputation. That show of
character won him over.
A note on incorporating other peoples feedback
You might be thinking, How do I take constructive feedback then? Am I supposed to just ignore
everything that other people think?
Certainly not. There are times in my life when friends have corrected me. When strangers have let
me know my behavior was sending the wrong impression and I corrected course.
What you are and how you present yourself BOTH matter. So when should you let other peoples
opinions influence how you present yourself?
My suggestion is to change how you present yourself when other peoples impressions of you are:
1. Consistent
2. Not in line with your values
So in the example of the guy calling me gay, I didnt adjust what I said. Firstly, because that was just
one guy (not at all consistent feedback). But more importantly, because being considered gay does
not fly in the face of my values. I have no problem with gay people and dont much care if strangers
think I am gay. It doesnt hamper my interactions. If they care to find out the truth, I tell them Im not
and it is fine.
Ask yourself those two questions when you get feedback that says you need to change:
Have I gotten this feedback consistently?
Are people getting an impression of me that does not align with my values?
If you get two yeses, change. If not, stick to your guns. Thats how you maintain charismatic
conviction while still being open to growth and improvement.
Charismatic Conviction 3: I have impeccable integrity.

My brother went on a date not long ago. He and the girl went out to a club with a group of her
friends. He wound up spending a lot of the night mingling with other people he met at the club. The
night went well but the next time he saw his date, she was fuming.
My friend said she saw you kissing another girl at the club.
My brother had no idea what she was talking about. He hadnt kissed anyone else. So he told her.
Thats ridiculous. I dont know what your friend saw, but I didnt kiss anyone but you.
Really?
He looked her dead in the eyes.
Really.
And that was it. They moved on. She believed him because he was absolutely crystal clear in his
own belief. It didnt matter that a good friend thought she saw something different. The truth outs.
This is obvious. We know that its much easier to persuade when weve been falsely accused than
when weve been caught red-handed. Our conviction shines through in every subcommunication. It
even trumps evidence to the contrary (in my brothers case, what the friend thought she saw).
Unfortunately, most people dont realize that they sabotage their own conviction every day!
How?
Little. White. Lies.
Im running late because I ran into bad traffic
I cant make to your party because I promised my mom.
Im too sick to make it in today.
No honey, I didnt go out with the guys after work.
Recognize any of those from your own life? Sure, these white lies make things more convenient in the
short term. You dont have to deal with your friend, or your boss, or their significant other getting
mad. Nobody gets hurt.
Except you know that youve been dishonest. Those little lies add up to the knowledge that you cant
always be trusted. You dont have impeccable integrity. So in any situation where your character is
brought into question, there is a moment of doubt: Is this person right to attack me? Have they seen
through some of my lies?

That moment of doubt creates uncertainty in all of your actions. It undercuts your ability to
communicate with conviction. Because you dont have conviction that deep down, you are 100%
honest. You broadcast in your word choice, your tone of voice, and your eye contact: you cant
always believe me.
Imagine what that does to your charisma.
So whats the solution?
You build a conviction that you have impeccable integrity by living with impeccable integrity. You
follow through on the things you say you are going to do. You only make commitments you will keep.
You represent yourself honestly to everyone. You cut out lying. Even the little white lies. Even the
lies of omission.
Then if you get called out for being dishonest or mean your subconscious will know immediately, If I
wasnt truthful it was because I didnt have all the information. Barring that, I was dead honest
because I am always honest. Your response will be insanely compelling and charismatic. Youll
look people in the eye in all situations and broadcast:
You can trust me 100%. My word is my bond.
Imagine the strength of your words if that came through in everything you said.
Charismatic Conviction 4: Charisma doesnt convince
One top leader called me once and asked What kind of information? was in my
creators/reactors talks and I said there was none.
No information? he said.
No, just a single distinction that gets repeated and illustrated throughout the seminar so people
can use it and never forget it.
He said, Id have to have you give me a list of bullet points of the information in your talk before
I could get my company to hire you for our keynote this fall.
There arent any bullet points, I said.
I dont know how you expect to be hired, he said, Or how you expect to be booked.
I dont expect anything, I said. in any area of my life.
Then how do you make your living?
By speaking to groups unlike yours who are led by people unlike you.

He later decided to hire me.

- Steve Chandler (The Prosperous Coach)4
Have you ever met someone who needs to force his views on everyone? Every difference of opinion
becomes a debate. He needs to convert you to his way of thinking, no matter what.
Real charisma does not do this. Someone with real charisma:
1. Respects that other people have different opinions
2. Does not seek others approval to make a decision or hold an opinion
3. Is confident that they will meet other people who will agree with them
All that adds up to one fact: charisma doesnt convince. It doesnt get invested in forcing people to
change. It just filters.
So if an investor doesnt like your pitch, stop selling him. Find another.
If a first date doesnt like what youre about, dont beg for a second date. Ask someone else out.
If a boss is riding you and ruining your life, dont kiss his butt to stay in his good graces. Quit.
When you attempt to convince you are saying, I need you to act in this way. That is the definition of
needy. No matter how convincing you are, youve made your well being dependent on someone
elses whim. Even If the other person does come around, youll be stuck in a subservient role,
always owing them, always proving yourself.
Charismatic people simply ask others to act. They dont need anyone to act because they can get
what they need in many places. If someone doesnt want to invest in them, date them, or treat them
with respect, they just go somewhere else.
When you stop trying to convince, you broadcast that you dont need anything from the people of
whom youre making requests. Oddly enough, theyre more likely to be drawn to your strength and to
give you what you actually want.
Charismatic Conviction 5: Charismatic people communicate their purpose
Mid summer in Washington, DC its swampy, swelteringly hot. Four twenty somethings are
stopping strangers, saying, We want to play basketball with Obama. Do you know anyone who can
help?
The next day they are on the radio pleading for help on their quest. Later that same day they are in a
Congressmans office while he emails the Presidents Chief of Staff. They meet with Senators, the

Secretary of Transportation and Obamas right hand man. Each one of these people decides to help
them in any way they can. They get so far that the request to play basketball with Obama is delivered
to Obamas Media Team.
They axe it. Too risky.
A year and a half later Obama is up late and he sees these four twentysomethings on TV. He watches
them document their attempts through every channel possible, explaining to passersby, congressmen
and senators, we set out to do this project to prove that anything is possible. The next day when
Obama sees his top aide, he asks, Why havent I played ball with these Buried Life guys!? Make it
happen.5,6
If you havent heard of The Buried Life, I suggest you check them out. They are some of the most
inspiring humans Ive ever encountered. What theyve accomplished (balled with Obama, told a joke
on late night TV, crashed a parade, made the biggest roulette spin in Vegas history, etc.) is both
amazing and informative.
Because, by rights, there is no way they are qualified to do those things. But they have one major
thing going for them. They have a purpose. They are out to prove anything is possible. That purpose
keeps them persistent in chasing their goals. It has inspired some of the most powerful people in the
world to support them.
The most charismatic people know to lead with their purpose. Its not something they wait for you to
ask about. They share their purpose with everyone and they share it passionately. Fear of judgment
or impropriety doesnt faze them. Their purpose is bigger than their fears.
The most compelling purposes are those that are bigger than you. The Buried Life guys later found
out that Obama liked that we helped people and thats why he wanted to support the project.
Obama wasnt moved just because the Buried Life guys were taking care of their bucket lists. He
was moved because they were helping others to do the same.
Find a purpose that fires you up. Make it bigger than you. Share it.
Charismatic Conviction 6 - 12: The charismatic person dares to go there first
Charisma and leadership form a loop. The more charisma you have, the better leader youll be. The
more you lead, the more charisma youll express.
This doesnt just mean leadership in the grand sense of rallying the troops. Before you ever earn that
kind of responsibility, youll have to lead in much more subtle ways. Youll lead by saying what
everyone is thinking, first. By doing what everyone wants to do, first. By ignoring societal rules
and introducing something authentically human.
This is the common thread in the examples below: The charismatic person leads by revealing their

humanity. They bring their goofiness, their admiration, their frustrations, and their flaws to the table
before it is okay to do so. When everyone else is still posturing at being a picturesque, solemn,
superior professional, the charismatic person shows they are human.
Break solemnity and be fun
Hes crashing and burning. On national television. And its all by design.
He didnt realize that was going to be a total set up. He signed up to talk about what it is like to be a
foreigner in Brazil. When he got to the studio they dressed him in a ridiculous Hawaiian T shirt.
Then they gave him a dating coach. They told him to demonstrate how he would talk to a Brazilian
girl by hitting on an actress in the studio.
Then they sealed his fate. They made him lead with Hey sexy, where are your little friends?
Meanwhile, they gave the actress explicit instructions to act fed up with him.
All to make fun at his expense.
So now hes fumbling to ask her how she is doing. She displays a rudeness that doesnt even exist in
the real world. He asks her if she would want to go out some time. She replies, Buzz off, loser.
The audience and judges are about to pulverize him. Hes about to walk away. Then he turns back to
her and says,
One last thing.
She looks up at him and rolls her eyes.
If you were a pirate. he says sliding in next to her.
The entire studio raises an eyebrow. A pirate? the show host questions.
.would you put your parrot on this shoulder here? he says touching the actress closest shoulder.
Or on this shoulder here? He says sliding his arm around her like they are boyfriend and girlfriend.
The entire studio erupts in laughter. The hostess doubles over. Ronaldo, ex-soccer star turned judge
is in hysterics. Even the actress breaks character and lets out a smile.
He doesnt wind up winning the rigged competition. But for the next several months people approach
him at parties to meet the hilarious foreigner who should have won the show.
*************
Stand quietly. Dont talk to strangers. Be serious at business meetings.

All of these rules have good intentions. But they limit our expression. They keep us from
connecting. Instead we go through the motions of a meeting, a gathering, or a party.
The charismatic person cares about actually connecting with people. When encountered with
unspoken social rules that keep people locked in boring autopilot as they go through their day, the
charismatic introduces a new element.
Fun.
Take vine sensation Logan Paul. At 18 years old he has over 3.4 million Vine followers .7 Strangers
love him and as a freshman, he is easily one of the most adored Ohio University students. Most of
his videos are of him being ridiculous and fun in situations where other people are incredibly serious.
In one video he breaks out singing the Lion King song on an airplane. In another he yells, Catch
me! to an elderly woman before jumping in the air and falling in front of her. He caws like a bird in
the gym. He hops into strangers cars and pretends he is their son. He goes on safari and narrates
peoples lives in a British accent. He values fun more than the implicit rules and is loved for it (not
to mention very, very paid).
Take a page from Logans book. Crack a joke when you meet someone new. Mess around a bit.
That might mean you dance like a fool before anyone is on the dance floor. Or maybe you play